My Blog

So lately ive been down… like very down that im just lost in myself majority of the time. I have feeling that i just want to permently share my life with another person and i crave for it but thats the least of stuff that I want to do. I just want to live a happy life again…

So here are my choices.. well i can volunteer to leave again for the military which BTW, this past satruday I had to report in. Which they told us to get back into Physical Shape & to have uniforms ready!!! But again.. i can take some small orders to be on active duty for a short period of time.

I mean i do have a job and everything and the pay just SUCKS!!! SERIOUSLY SUCKS…  dont know what i can do with this except for wait for a promotion..

anyways.. ive been down layely and just basically lonely and getting more frustrated with people then ever before. I dont really have any "close" friends out here. And for some reason i believe that i will never.. just because a certain friend of mine that i thought would be an awesome friends turns out to shut me out. I was hoping to build a fantastic network of friends.. but i cant because i live so far away and cant really afford the city.

A lot of times i sit at home on my sleeping medium (a couch) and cry. Wishing that it will go all away. no worrys on my half and sometimes wish to die. Yeah.. its true! But hey.. this is the only way to get my frustration out of the way!

I hate being lonely. I prefer to smile in front of friends and joke around. I just want this feeling to go away. seriously!

I want to feel welcomed…

So this exclusive to friendsters right.. so why not.

Tears in these Suns.. why, because all of the tears i shed along the way from constantly traveling and all of a sudden leaving it behind. starting from racing towards the sun as if the Sun was going towrads me.. i entered a world that i never knew.. being surrounded by a diferent way of living with the only thing that I recognise was the Wallmart and Old Navy. I shed some tears missing my friends and family. Then moving north with the Sun where it hardly shined and it actually snowed.. freezing alone in the bed.. tears were shed. Traveling with work towrads my roots and landing in the state that i only knew, i didnt get to see anyone i knew.. tears were shed. Going back against the sun… wishing that I saw everyone… tears were shed. Sitting at work, knowing my buddies had left and comming back with the sun or before it… i weeped.. tears were shed. Then leaving a life that i learned from scratched and leaving new loved ones behind tears are shed.. now missing all the small things i did with this Sun above our heads… The tears are still following me… yes, i do love the Marine Corps and the friends i gained along the way while in it as they were the closest thing to Family to me. and now im with my real family and it doesnt feel the same.. but i surely do love them dearly.. i feel lost and confused as i push it away thinking maybe i did thow a great career away.. or maybe i didnt. confusion my dear confuion…

If you dont understand this.. then great! I can give a rats @ss about it.. so fheewwweeee to ya!!!

It seems that every website has a blog spot, livejournal type thing now.. i swear.. you can be shopping online and write a your journal on that website…

sooo.. this would have to be 1 of many online  jounals out there!!!! phiisshhhhh… anyways… it will be rare for me to write in here.. but i will find a purpose.. oh i will!!!